Seeing through the stories our minds create
Cutting through the layers worrying to see clearly
Who are we but the stories we tell ourselves, about ourselves, and believe?”
― Scott Turow
A few years ago I was asked to apply for a job at a tech company I admired. My confidence in my abilities was at a low point and I didn’t think I could get the job so I talked myself out of applying.
When I think back to that opportunity, I realize I was stuck in a story for a long time, of my own making, and should have just gone for it. It’s easy for me to say that now but at that time I am sure I was deep into that story about not being “qualified enough” that I couldn’t step back to see the opportunity clearly or objectively.
We don’t see reality.
We see our own specific version of it.
We miss a goal, feel tense, and think to ourselves, “I’m not good enough”. Done multiple times, our minds turn that feeling and thought into a belief which becomes a lens we experience life through. The belief feels real because we feel it in our body along with the thought.
The doubt we carry ends up talking ourselves out of opportunities that could be great for us.
In the example, the layers I was seeing reality through were:
Past failure made me feel tense and think negatively which repeated often enough became a belief and ends up in me avoiding the opportunity because I didn’t feel confident in myself.
Cutting through that layers of doubt to see clearly
The first step is to catch the layer you’re seeing through the moment your mind moves from what happened to what you think it means.
In my example, I probably didn’t pursue the opportunity because of something that happened before but the layer, the meaning, I added on was “I’m not good enough.”. At that very moment that I had the thought, I needed to pause. By catching the thought and any feelings associated with it, we can create some space between ourselves and the belief. We can see the belief for what it is, an automatic response, or signal to examine the situation objectively.
The next step is making space.
In my example, I could have explored this thought through writing or even sketching it out. By externalizing the thought I could have looked at my skills and the job requirements to see how well they matched up. I would have realized that I did in fact qualify and that the thought I had was not real.
Once we see the belief from a distance, we can examine it, question it, and choose a response that aligns with how we want to show up.
We can choose to look at what happened without the pull of our emotions. We can use the information we learn and take positive steps to do something about the situation instead of getting lost in an unhelpful story of our own making to be able to see things clearly and how we respond.
It’s much easier to look back and think I could have looked past the story I was telling myself but as you know once you’re deep in a story, it’s hard to see any alternatives.
This isn’t an easy process by any means and we will fall into the stories a few times along the way but each time we practice catching the stories our minds create by making space to look at situations objectively we will develop our muscles to begin cutting through the layers of meaning we add on to what is actually happening.
So the next time you’re facing an opportunity, don’t push it away or negate it automatically. Take a step back to make some space where you can think through it, examine it objectively, and then choose the step you want to take with thoughtfulness and intention.
May curiosity be your guide.
Rizwan