💎 Friday Gems #42 (Compliment Sandwiches, The Notebook Rule, Abundant Mindset)
Take Responsibility For Everything You Do.
Hi, Low Fidelity friends,
Here are the Friday Gems that have caught my eye this week.
💎 Stop serving the compliment sandwich!
Source: Granted by
Have you ever been on the receiving end of a compliment sandwich?
It’s not fun.
As you mentally prepare to receive negative feedback from the other person, thinking to yourself, the world is falling, they throw in a twist, they give you a compliment which completely knocks you off your guard but then proceed to be critical of you, which completely confuses you for a moment, and then the cherry on the cake is the give you another compliment to make sure you leave the conversation absolutely confused.
Ok, maybe it’s not that dramatic, but you get the point.
You can imagine the conversation going something like this:
Bill (Manager): “I loved the presentation you gave to the executive team; it was great!
Peter (Employee): Thanks so much. I put in a lot of time to prepare for it, so I’m glad you…
Peter: (Thinking to himself….oh great, here comes the complement sandwich!)
Bill: (rudely interrupting) Anyways, today I want to talk to you about your TPS report. You didn’t put a cover sheet on your last report. If you don’t put the new cover sheet on the TPS report than we will have to have a serious talk.
Peter: Oh, yeah, I forgot, sorry about that! I already took care of the TPS cover sheet and it won’t happen again.
Bill: Thanks Peter. I love what you’ve done with your cubicle, very colorful, especially that red stapler.
In the article, Adam talks about compliment sandwiches, why it doesn’t work (Adam looked through the data and the research), and what to do instead. Personally, I would move the options around to be in this order when giving feedback:
Find the right moment to provide your feedback and ask if they are open to receiving feedback
Explain why you’re giving the feedback
Be vulnerable and show you’re trying to get better as well
Have a transparent dialogue, not a manipulative one.
When giving feedback, it’s important to remember the person on the other end is a human and to approach the conversation with clarity, understanding, and care for their growth.
💎 The Notebook Rule
Source: Dispatches from Inner Space by
I’m a digital dope addict!
I realized this after reading this excellent post on our addiction to screens, also known as digital dope.
As I read the 21 Signs You Might Be a Digital Dope Addict list included in the post, my usual defense kicked in.
At first, when I read the words, digital dope addict, I felt offended; my ego would not stand to be called such a name.
Me, a digital dope addict? No way! Not me!
I denied my reliance on my phone and had perfect reasons that explained why I checked my phone constantly, especially when I woke up, when bored, when in a bad mood, when doing a challenging task when procrastinating, when I check my phone for no reason whatsoever, when I hunt for notifications, when I go to the bathroom, or when I went to bed.
Uh Oh!
So, as I faced the facts, I realized that I could do something about it, and the best way to start is small steps, so I committed to not taking my phone into the bathroom for a day; I know it’s too much info, but just keeping it real.
And guess what, it worked!
I didn’t take my phone with me each time I went to the bathroom; if I did take it in by mistake, I immediately removed it. It’s a small change, but it has shown me that I don’t need to carry my phone with me wherever I go.
But the struggle is real for us all, and this is where The Notebook Rule comes in.
This is how it goes:
Before any interaction with a screen, I write down, in a notebook, what I intend to do. Then, as soon as I’m done doing that thing, I walk away (close the laptop, put the phone down, literally walk away, etc).
I like the simplicity of using a notebook to disrupt our addiction to screen time and use the devices with more intention and purpose.
In a quest to save our humanity and our sanity from the devices of mass distraction, we need any and every tool we can get in our arsenal.
Let’s take back our humanity! ✊🏽
💎 An Abundant Mindset
Source:
by
Want to see what an abundant mindset looks like in practice?
Read this wonderful post by Mark Luetke, in which Mark heeds the advice from the theory that we shouldn’t save the good stuff for later.
Mark explains the concept:
As the theory goes, there is a river of ideas running through all of us. Holding on to one for too long will block the river and prevent new ones from flowing downstream. It’s best to take what the river gives you, do the what you can with it, and move on.
Mark graciously shares not just one zine he has created but 7, yes 7, zines that are all wonderful to read and beautifully drawn.
There is even a zine related to digital dope addiction (see previous gem) in which Mark shares a quick glimpse of his experience, posting a couple of his zines on Instagram and the inner turmoil that ensued, something we all experience.
Mark also shares the dilemma we all face with social media in which we know that spending more than a few minutes on it is bound to detract us, make us feel bad, and possibly push us into a downward spiral of self-loathing…yet we need it to share and promote our work.
Read the full post and subscribe.
💎 A gem of a video
Want to know what the secret to a happy life is? Then, watch this video with Robert Waldinger.
The secret to a happy life — lessons from 8 decades of research
It’s all about building and maintaining relationships. My understanding of relationships was limited, but after watching this video, my understanding has expanded to include any and all relationships, not just our immediate family members or friends.
Robert also shares a good challenge for all of us and one we can take action on right now.
💎 Little Gems
Craving career clarity? It’s time to get some!
Stop ‘Should’-ing yourself! It’s time for the ‘De-Shouldifier’ (from Kim Witten’s Hold That Thought newsletter)
Other people got you feeling blah? It’s time to double down on some yummy internal validation.
Let me know what you think about this week’s gems (just hit reply). I'd love to hear your thoughts. Also, I’m thankful that you read this far. 🙏🏽
Have a fantastic weekend!
Rizwan
Great round up! I saw a video of Adam Grant explaining how he implements “I’m giving you these comments because I have very high expectations and I know that you can reach them" and it was SO powerful! Also like his approach on being vulnerable as the feedback-giver.... fits in with the VIEW mindset that I'll be sharing in my upcoming post. Nice one!!
Loved this one!