Why do I cringe at the sound of my own voice?
Confronting my apprehension once and for all.
You know that feeling of running your nails down a chalkboard? Yes, that cringy feeling that makes you shudder and want to do anything to stop the sound; that's exactly how I felt whenever I heard my voice on my podcast or a video recording of me talking.
The sound of my voice was my kryptonite, and it was pure torture.
Anytime I heard my voice, it would stop me in my tracks and make me want to run far away or at least stop listening to it play.
Where was this freakish voice coming from? Surely not me! I don't sound like that. That's not me! I would scream and try as I tried to stop the auditory pain.
My experience may sound harmless, but listening to my voice kept me from improving my presentations, podcasts, and videos because I refused to hear my voice.
Even my kids got in on the torture fest. When they learned about my aversion to hearing my voice and noticed me squirm, and begged them to stop listening to an episode of my podcast. They knew precisely how to control me.
I felt helpless.
Then one day, I decided I needed to stop this behavior and face this challenge head-on. I had recorded a podcast with my coach, and once it was live, he asked me what I thought of the episode; this was my moment of truth, my fight or flight moment.
I needed to listen to the recording, and there was no way around it but to hear my voice. As I intended to listen to the podcast episode no matter what, I felt resistance, but I was committed to overcoming this thought pattern.
But first, a detour.
I wanted to understand what was going on because if I felt this defensive about my voice, others might feel the same way about the sound of their voices.
I needed to get to the bottom of this to help myself, and others overcome it.
So I began my search and learned that there is a name given to the phenomenon of not liking the sound of your voice; it's called Voice Confrontation.
Voice confrontation happens mainly because of two reasons. The first reason is the differences in how we perceive the sound of our own voice and what it actually sounds like to others. The second reason is because of the "extra-linguistic" cues, the cues we believe our voice may convey to others, such as our anxiety level, indecision, sadness, anger, and other emotions, which are the aspects of our personality that can only be known when we listen to our voice in a recording. 1
What we think our voice conveys about us as we listen to it is a major stumbling block, which explains why I was so disturbed. But I also realized that all the thoughts I was having of not liking the sound of my voice were only in my head, and others don't feel the same way. If I can confront the negative thoughts, I can overcome this vocal struggle which caused me to stop recording videos and my podcast for long periods.
Let's get back to my needing to listen to the podcast recording.
There was a way out, and I planned my escape.
I decided to listen to the podcast episode while I was out for my run. This way, I would not have any distractions or an easy way out. My future was at stake. My dreams of speaking, creating videos, and appearing on podcasts to share my ideas and insights with others depended on my being comfortable with my voice. I was going to get over this once and for all.
As I started my run, I began listening to the podcast episode and kept my focus on the podcast conversation instead of the sound of my voice. What I realized wat that one, it wasn’t as bad as I thought and second, by keeping my focus on the content of the conversation, my voice wasn’t the issue any more. I was able to listen to the full 60 minute episode! That was incredible. I had taken a big leap forward towards accepting my voice as it actually sounds out in the wild.
Accepting my voice was a breakthrough win for me. Now the resistance has shifted to the background and at a low level that doesn't prevent me from listening to my voice on recordings because I know I can choose to focus on what I am saying instead of the sound of my voice.
Another way to address your dislike of listening to your recorded voice is exposure therapy, which is listening to more and more of your voice to become comfortable with it.
Also, there is the realization that the way we feel about our voice is only in our head. No one else feels like we do so if we can accept our voice and move forward in spite of the resistance we can develop the resilience we need to tackle obstacles that come our way.
Now, it’s time to create some videos and podcasts to share our voice with the world! ✊🏽
Over to you!
Do you dislike the sound of your voice when you hear it on a recording? How has the vocal confrontation phenomenon affected how you show up at work and life? What strategies have you tried to move past this inner resistance?
Let me know in the comments!
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Voice_confrontation
Listening to the sound of my own voice makes me wonder why people allow me to talk to them, and I'm amazed people don't throw rotten fruit at me as I walk down the street. As part of coaching/facilitation training I participated in, we were video recorded as we were tasked in presencing an opportunity for an audience. When we watched it back, I had a full on freak out - I just couldn't get over my own existence. It's all a bit (!) melodramatic, but that had been the experience.
This has slightly less grip on me nowadays, and the key lesson was 'Nobody cares enough about you, personally, to throw rotten fruit at you. Relax.'
Anyway... on a slightly different note. I love the artwork at the top of this post. Please may I share it on Three Things Weekly on a future post?
R xx